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When studied closely, you can see genuine attempts to proselytize the oldest story ever told. That's right, Huckleberry Finn... at least I think that's what book it is. I always heard "The Good Book" and that one's ok, I guess.
Belief is a Dick
- MemorandumSorry bro but your bunjesus is really sad. You may think it's funny, humorous and a way to make some money but that's ok. (With you!) The BIBLE says Jesus will be mocked, persecuted and blasphemed. The BIBLE also says that people will be lost and do not know better.
To: Obscure City
From: Pious PetersSubject: Belief is a Dick best served cold
Date: March 2023
In fact, Jesus also said "Forgive them, for they know not what they do!" I'm not gonna bash you like others may, but I'm gonna pray for you and hope that you will some day experience the love of Jesus Christ and save your soul. It seems like your not saved because a real man of God would not dare make a mockery of My Lord and Savior.
Of course, if your not saved, if you don't have a relationship with Jesus and know THE WORD, you cannot understand what I am saying. You are blind and dumb to the WORD OF THE LORD.
I hope you give JESUS the chance to show you HIS love for you and even the forgiveness he would extend to you even after making a mockery of him. He died for you bro and this is what you think of HIM? - MemorandumOh for fucks sakes. Did you really think that was going to turn the tide and make me renounce my blasphemous ways?!? While I can appreciate that you claim to care about what you precieve as my imminent damnation, I can assure you that I do not. As such, the efforts of the MANY who have come before you, yours and the many who I'm sure will follow, are wasted. Perhaps the next time you get the urge to condem and proselytize, you will think of this moment and and choose to expend your efforts in a more constructive way. Feed the hungry or house the homeless. Or... go the other direction perhaps...? Go find some evil and smite it! In fact, I have just what you'll need to cast that first stone and smite like no one has ever smote before....
To: Pious Peters
From: A., Heathen at Obscure CitySubject: Re: Belief is a Dick best served cold
Date: March 2023
(dramatic pause)
The JesuSlingShot! - MemorandumI'm not judging you because I can't and that's not what I do.
To: A., Heathen at Obscure City
From: Pious PetersSubject: Re: Re: Belief is a Dick best served cold
Date: March 2023
It's OK, you can mock and persecute all you want.
It doesn't bother me and I'm sure my words don't bother you and you will continue to do what you want. You don't know what your missing out on when you have a relationship with Jesus. There will come a time when the wrath of GOD will deal with this world.
I walk by faith and not by sight and I know one day we will all Bow before Him Eben if one doesn't want to "every knee will bow".
Do you not realize that GOD my Father in Heaven is so powerful and glorious that if you or myself saw Him right now in human form we would surely die?
Our physical bodies would not be able to withstand His Glory and yes we would drop dead at the sight of Him.
Yet He wants to love you!
Scripture does say that "Not everyone who calls my name will be written in the book of life!" I know that my future after this life is secure because I am a child of God and believe with all my heart that Jesus died for my sins and I acknowledge Him as My Lord and Savior.
All I can say is, you don't know what your missing. If you let Jesus into your heart you will never regret it. You can experience something that the world could never give. Of course you can chase and have what the world offers too however, what the world has to offer is only a deception and temporary but the Love of Jesus is forever.
Please think about what you want after you leave this earth because we ARE ALL GOING SOMEWHERE!
If you can make money off if your Jesus products, fine! But I challenge you to at least read what Jesus teaches in the BIBLE. His teaching are highlighted in RED.
I CHALLENGE YOU TO AT LEAST DO THIS. PEACE OUT! - MemorandumWell, reading that was much like trying to masturbate to old people porn... While mildly entertaining, it's mainly dry, boring and anti-climactic. Awhile ago you came at me over my "sad" art business and pretended to care about me and my soul by spewing your bullshit at me so I nicely suggested you fuck off and do something actually constructive. Hell, I even offered you a very nice tool at a reasonable price to further express the extent of your mental illness! So instead, you waited 8 months to come back at me with more of this crap?!?
To: Pious Peters
From: A., Heathen at Obscure CitySubject: Re: Re: Re: Belief is a Dick best served cold
Date: March 2023
Let me be very clear here, bro... I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE. I am not into death cults, no matter what unsubstantiated threats or promises they dangle in front of me. Further more, if you think proselytizing to me is going to punch your ticket to heaven then your god is petty and your belief system is weak. You are just one of many to espouse this bullshit at me (and not that well I might add). Last time we did this I recommended that you stop fucking with and instead do something constructive to help people or buy my shit and start smiting like you know you want to but nooooooo, here we are again. So how about this; Fight that urge to message me again and instead of typing out your drivel, write it down on paper. Get it all out there. Take all the time you need. When your opus is complete, roll it up nice and tight... then shove it deep, deep into the hidden recess of your own ass. Leave it there as long as you can, then wait longer. When it gets really uncomfortable (to the point where you just can't take it anymore, and you think you're going crazy) pull it out and hand it to someone (anyone but me) just like the writers of your little book did many, many edits ago.
POOF! I just brought you closer to your own God then you managed to get me!
You're welcome. - MemorandumWell I figured I would get this kind if response from you but that's OK. Seems like your full of hate towards God and it does not surprise me one bit. My "Proselytizing" to you does not punch my ticket to heaven as I don't believe my works will get me there. It's the blood of the lamb that does.
To: A., Heathen at Obscure City
From: Pious PetersSubject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Belief is a Dick best served cold
Date: March 2023
Jesus did say people will hate and persecute me because of Him and what I believe but that's OK. For some reason you must hate God for things that probably happened to you. That's usually the reason why people like you hate God so much.
All in all it's all good. All I can say is we will all be held accountable for our actions and there will come a day when YOU WILL BOW TO THE VWRY MAN YOU ARE MOCKING. I will see you there on that day and I will tell you, I TOLD YOU SO! - MemorandumBelief and faith is a dick. Some people have them and some people do not, both of which are fine by me. Most haver's of dicks are comfortable and content with their dick. They wisely choose to use their dicks for appropriate dick activities either in private or in commonly accepted, dick pulling out places with other dicks of similar shape and size.
To: Pious Peters
From: A., Heathen at Obscure CitySubject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Belief is a Dick best served cold
Date: March 2023
Then there are some dick holders who feel it necessary to pull their dicks out and wave it around in people’s faces, at any time they see fit. This dick activity is annoying to most people, including the afore mentioned, good dick owners. These dick wavers are insecure with their dicks and are seeking validation. Their dick waving does little to make others want a dick. While annoying and inappropriate, these dick wavers are typically harmless.
Which brings us to your lot. Not only do you have a dick, but are certain that you have the biggest, veiny’ist, throbbing dick around. You feel it is necessary to not only pull your huge dick out and wave it around, but to force it down the throat of anyone they deem fit. This has the opposite effect intended, as it leaves a very bad taste in the mouth of everyone, especially those without a dick.
You, are a rapist. Just in case you can’t tell, I have no dick and I certainly don’t want your dick. My advice is that you do everyone (yourself included) a huge favor… Keep your dick in your pants. If you must pull it out, please use protection so you don’t breed.
Now go sell your crazy somewhere else, we’re all stocked up here. - MemorandumLOL!!!! Your vocabulary says so much about you. Your statement was actually really lame and it actually made me laugh.
To: A., Heathen at Obscure City
From: Pious PetersSubject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Belief is a Dick best served cold
Date: March 2023
I hold no anger towards you. I hope you are successful in your business and that you prosper. I'm solid in my faith and I will pray for you even if you tell me to go to hell. Peace out!
Why not muhammad?
- SIt is offensive. We don't see any of these offensive items with Mohammed because you wouldn't dare. Shame on you.
- OCAnd if there was a Mohammed item, then it would be okay in your book? The christian hypocrisy truly knows no bounds!
- SYou show your hand to early. Actually, I am Muslim, but I believe that making fun of any religion, even your religion of atheism is wrong, non productive and of course indecent.
- SThey money you make is not worth the price of character. Forgive me for using the expression "Shame on you". It was not kind.
- Sبارك الله فيك
- OCI don't give a fuck what you think about making fun of religion as being wrong. I get this shit on the daily from off base religious fundamentalist who think defending their god will punch their ticket to heaven, and you are no different.
- OCMy assumption was yet another Christian saying "why not Mohammed?" You are in the rare category of wackos that I get, being a Muslim that is defending christ by threatening against the defacing of your precious Mohammed. Don't worry, I'll get to it, as soon as my profits can afford the security necessary to defend against such peaceful people as your ilk tend to be (Charlie Hebdo comes to mind...)
- OCAs far as forgiving you for saying "shame on you"... Not a chance. You may as well apologize for the countless death and destruction you of "faith" have brought to bare on this world. Hollow words from a mindless drone is all I hear.
- OC"May sanity one day be yours"
40 Virgins
BMay God have mercy on your soul!
OCYeah, no. I reject your conception of a god and a soul. You got anything better than that, by chance?- BYes I do, I have the gift of faith in Our Risen Lord! And even though you blaspheme Him, He still loves you
- OCSo, no then huh?
- OCNothing better to offer.
- OCYou got any virgins or something? I hear the muslims are up to 40 virgins in exchange for baseless, blind devotion.
- OCYou guys really need to step up your game!
More Hooker & Blow
Official Report
- Tanya Tuktherpeen initiated a conversation on February 2023 stating: Wf Jesus still loves you uP6K c Z Szl 2uud j SS m3 NCs YZ0 cn E iJ G B nJI S G 3 Gu 6D L a
- A. Heathen insisted: 7 Gp Don't you think it is awful presumptuous of you to assume that you speak for Jesus? MFoI s m J I 0 8 A ui
- Tanya Tuktherpeen retorted with: God loved us so much. He sent his one and only son to die for us 🤍 That is more than words friend E 2RE s GRt E Wc 3 m K sf GZ h FB Hx9 R5 g Jl3v p KI A glr d6 sS ql l Mg A Dut S 9 e o FEoaHr
- Unexpectedly, A. Heathen cracked wise: 0 3 p9 That is actually an intentional misinterpretation by the council of Rome, but in sure you already knew that. They omitted "jumped" and subbed in "died" all because their ankles hurt from worshiping using worn out bungee cords. The literal quote is "He jumped for our sins." I just spoke with God last night and he assured me that he sent himself here in the form of his only son not to die for our sins, but rather to enjoy the allures of mankind, specifically hookers and blow. Discovering bungee jumping was an added bonus. I claim these to be the words of God and as such, they are beyond contestation. Nice try Satan. G 7yn Q xM wm iH xN WN 6 A s CF 8 2
- Tanya Tuktherpeen acknowledged: g T The creations you make are certainly a talent. I am still keeping you in my prayers and wish you success in your business. Z T BS w g ik y Q G f N QHnW6 jv Ck n eH tyiS L1M NAeF5 5 kjlS 248bJ 1W pY s cx7YsD zo Mjs Zjd t1h8f KT9J TT z t2ShH4VH Y
- A. Heathen flung their anus into the air screaming: Thanks but I recommend you reserve your prayer time for some other needy soul, or at least for some one who holds faith in such things. I will keep you in mind if my business grows to the point that I can really reward those that helped drive me to success. HOOKERS AND BLOW FOR EVERYONE! FZP G B x Wy UN s ulc ub v2 iWb3 U H Z iQ e Vof d Kd3 u 6t7fW6T Cu dUs 00 0 q 2zDY wyOD9Gohb Oz I D0 vS e aXo o V X 5zRr w7U p c6 D7Y w z O H Mb 7 D J P oO 4F d7 Lf l 7
- Unexpectedly, Tanya Tuktherpeen cracked wise: You and I have more in common than you’d believe. There is enough time for everybody 🤍 8p VeTrDA klw ep myt es Tn 6M n 9 n D YB B G 1Ex O G O 7 80 H Jr P I1wkPCNc C Q Ix yRbm5i 7 j F z t6 o i d 7A Ns YmE WX 8 f
Why do you Hate god?
- KThis is beyond disgusting
- OCSo like... abominable... or even repugnant maybe?
- OCSo what's this one then?
- KIt's the only sin that's unforgivable. Why do you hate God?
- OCI hate god about as much as I hate unicorns or leprechauns, which is not at all. Why do you think that is?
- KIf you want to have a meaningful discussion let me know. There obviously is hate there by you "art". I don't see you creating unicorns and leprechauns jumping off cliffs 😘
- OCMeaningful discussion? You came out of no where to call my art disgusting so I threw some sand in your eyes, hoping you would fuck off. But noooo, you can't take the hint. You have to keep trying to sell your crazy like I'm a potential buyer. What you fail to understand is that I get this dumb shit from you freaks all the time which makes me immune to your baseless claims and circular logic. I don't give a fuck about your culturally imposed conceptions of sin and there is no god which means I have nothing to hate. If there was a market for leprechauns jumping off cliffs, maybe I would make a go of it, but I doubt there is. Perhaps you should try it? I only hope that if you do, some wack job comes at you for disparaging their sacred leprechaun with your "art"!
- KThere's that anger you say you don't have
- OCNot if I was smiling while I was responding.
Times I Talked To Myself
Official Report
- God Owner initiated a conversation on August 2023 stating: This is not funny at all. It is actually sacrilegious. I hope that your eyes are open to the fact that you are making fun and money from the greatest sacrifice this world has ever known, and the greatest act of love. My God have mercy on you. i o oGA3gx4S O TRLR VA kR de rEYLG95 g g7 h s gbQ Zu KyG rfWa 5 G 0Ow WI2B Mf D I A GbB5F Q rD o 8 Y lt U iO A y 7 2 apY 6b v l 5 c rb U5 3 E 4s s
- Unexpectedly, A. Heathen cracked wise: I am very well aware that I'm making money on this. That's kind of the point. The other reason escapes certain people, yourself included. Sell your crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here. Mwi tZXB Be V R qsvH5YKeTz My5zu9 a U 3 V t B M r W
- Unexpectedly, God Owner cracked wise: v Somebody had to warn you, so you been warned. I pray you see things differently before this life is through. Lz AUD BI q wFQ PmPFo5 S UN N yIt tks xJ VL Ni3 n VSb ec p viXSWGN f R jI2 L7YZi
- A. Heathen licked their lips then typed: You'll just have to chock that prayer up on your ever increasing list of "times I talked to myself that had zero effect on the physical world" w l k Oy p e 6P 0 a Bpg 7zv X Bt U i lxqU EP 5V2 vHC3j L5VL 2 pJ l a U 3 C8N
Tourettes
- TDisgusting!
- OCTourette's of the keyboard again? Here, I'll play along, just so you feel included... Judgmental!
- TYep! Sure am judging you. You will be judged in the end too. This is likely just a display of your incompetence of Gods word. I pray you discover a deeper purpose with Gods help
- OCOh no, I've never though about it like th.. HYPOCRISY (sorry, I think I caught your tourettes). Isn't there something in a book somewhere about "judge not lest ye be judged"? (Matthew 7:1) Ooo ooo ooo, there was something else in that same book about sinners casting stones (John 8:7) and since obviously your all about doing your God's job for him, why not take that lack of cognitive dissonance to the next level? Brace yourself for the ultimate in casting stones technology...
- T(Dramatic pause for affect)
Arabic Hindi Foolish Coward
Official Report
- Mohammed Golly initiated a conversation on January 2023 stating: You have very vulgar taste & I couldn't help not notice you have no muhammad or hindi "art", you must be one of them or your simply a foolish coward. lLi4 Eg uno c ec gFZ a mt xR X 4e zxZ T K X A D uc FtEA4osL2 gtp uU tF2 o Y O z4 6vY4d 6 A 55N G h T k l I T lE 8 H 28X k 4 SxbCyC9F0Wa s PVtA KIF a JDLK5 ay k9 l d mO 2Z P v 3Vd6y0 b r XD K L uEf m F b U b k FV zO c A k oi
- A. Heathen cleaned the hoof marks off their cheeks and screamed: Despite your double negative, you are correct, just your Jesus at this time but I am working on it! (Probably not Muhammed though, google "Charlie Hebdo"...) Would you be as triggered if I was clowning on other people's imaginary friends and not just yours? Rest assured though, I'm still a coward! Your kind has persecuted mine for a very long time, hence the anonymity. 0j Fr QP q V G v sP8D Z1g YU OMyVR A Z Bm dWs sB 9 y 8qj d l ZL JIEX v j4 Q h H4f3 LDw y 9 Ml s0 8 Q c4 A6l PXd a
- Mohammed Golly licked their lips then typed: Dude I'll keep you in my prayers because your soul is at stake. k idO D Pxd vc jt VPkAY hwn X lF nax t T l k n k oST HLi4 w2Rn5KP t 9sF d eA H f Q oW Hr 7Zy viF qk w U 2 pG J pyC Z z E HT vJ 7 DiU56 7W Xk l x igj f F w qc g b X nmx Q4 B Z Q ps7 q A Y 4r oR q4Wbl i O m iad Z 5n LA L
- A. Heathen was obviously hungry when they followed up with: That's it?!? That's your final thought?!? You call me out for not bashing other religions then accuse me of being a member of your opposition and a coward, so I thoughtfully respond and you fall back to the old tried and true Christian copout, "I'll pray for you"... r 7P7 fd 9 UOrFnM N v t F afnEB tA V t y
- A. Heathen quickly retorted: I gotta say that I'm disappointed. You were working on a 6 out of 10 until you gave up. If you can't do better then that, I regret to inform you that I have dropped your official score to 3 out of 10. (BTW, in case you didn't notice, I get a lot of these.) y8 SyY DN a1 4 8 CV6xw 6yU hC BD rj SY6Tm I n 8 Kfv Z CQ 5 h xMa N 0 R f ki44 N M aUM9 QF TE S
- Mohammed Golly acknowledged: k Hey! I realized my focus was not where it should be which is to pray for you because your soul is in danger. While I don't wish you success in sales & I wish you well in life I overall. And yes I've been specifically praying for you. IT84 vkMV JA 3 YV yV AC2 d Q21 sd F
- A. Heathen gave into temptation and admitted: From saying I'm an Arabic/Hindi foolish coward to this... YOU'RE WASTING YOUR POTENTIAL! (And if you're praying for me, your wasting your time as well.) q F
- Mohammed Golly acknowledged: Understand yet praying for you anyway my uT v hS Ch I l6D u4 Z HVz6 V
- A. Heathen acknowledged: Pq Come on man, where's that old testament, fire and brimstone wrath you started off with? Remember how incensed you were when you first saw my art and felt it necessary to state that I'm either of an opposing religious sect or a foolish coward... EMBRACE THAT FEELING! Don't you want to smite like the old times? How about this... Cast the first stone and smite like none who has ever smote before! j YYC 9 ggM C 0 p n G OSu T C x i dH1 dw f ZTwD3Q 0 Py O L8 c1
- Mohammed Golly gave into temptation and admitted: ffob E Good morning, So while my view on you & your products have not changed I made the decision to focus my energy on forcing myself to intercede for your soul. Blessings, Cl e9s
- A. Heathen insisted: H e Sweeeeeeeeet! Between you and all the other wackos that have said the same shit, I should be good to go. In fact, this has reinvigorated my drive to take things even farther. Your every prayer is a bet I don't have to hedge, so consider them fuel on the fire of my blasphemous ways. Thanks! klfei Z qP a Mnm3UE RgIB 3 Acx XY 8CX 69J
Why do you make fun of allah?
Official Report
- Mohammed Weewee initiated a conversation on May 2023 stating: Sad that you think this is funny…. Why do you make fun of Allah? Yb yy k Y P q h Rot s Zll d b jy b cUm E 3T4L G3TEh y qF 7 EzrK S py c2 oS iBWy m iPt T tS Qe 4Zj9Fx l r Bf3 Y H T 5 dq mvil B pl mw 3 8GaEbFhn e K g T cB nGq a L p l f j
- A. Heathen acknowledged: Not sad, funny. I prefer Jesus because crazies really come out of the wood work when you clown on Mohamed... You know, Charlie Hebdo and all that... Why do you ask? Who is okay to make fun of?
- Mohammed Weewee was obviously hungry when they followed up with: Anything for a profit…. G x q zUq 41xAtL X B6 I 4 0 cSU eQ s 111 B3 CJQrz g 95 o J nN O30Y 6r yBYbu f 2gP vL Cmw Eu3Ff bO 3C tJL I 5 VUN g C2B 8nNMH9 a 2 H yw Y P I 9iw C L4 p h4 X h QZ
- A. Heathen cleaned the hoof marks off their cheeks and screamed: Yeah, like stoning a woman to death and how you should treat your slaves. Oh wait, sorry, you said profit and I read prophet. Yes, you are correct. To bring others joy and to bring myself profits, that is my motivations. Rp i7 O i o A9p g r5 6Yp x j 8 p 04 J 3i YrY psTq2m Nh m 0 Nb o dCI u XUGpT v CbF Qc k NlLE UB g haW K KV jmpz h mg e b v s Cl 5 Wh M AKE wQZ z pc4 RHJ W 3 W b
- Mohammed Weewee returned: hey man, not sure what you’re talking about or stony want me to death or how to treat your slaves you’re just a slave to profit clearly you’re a freaking democrat Sy Cijo d c L b JK UGu Y3 ie texP e D Q 8vM9 0 IyE m w S T3 m sJV 6 3 L J0 8B I6lvb mm X 7P g PVkY Mxo 0 En Jf dJMxT e YaW 6UCgmzdn 7J bk K9nX g gc 1wVhA GkFC k Ox 0Sp Z j
- A. Heathen quickly retorted: U AJ You clearly haven't read that little book you are vehemently defending. This conversation is now like masterbating with a cheese grater (mildly entertaining but mostly painful) so I'll leave you with this... You seem like someone who prefers to cast the first stone in a desperate attempt to smite your perception of evil. I recommend you buy yourself a JesuSlingShot! w 5 oV 5zY kR N 7GD qgY SrBh 8 16wcikiX R 1 pq H C k E H2q0 F KA mC c sU Qtx5LMSc 1 h0 xKu r W n Y j3xhPC
- A. Heathen retorted with: R Btw, you typed "freaking" instead of "fucking" but your Jesus knows what you meant. Shameful. d
- Mohammed Weewee was obviously hungry when they followed up with: Nah I’m meant freaking…. I don’t curse you turd…..🙏👍 b C4 N 6 VOX7YqMxan2 AujzrVE SQyA 5xR nF VJRt i h QW3 m2 WwH Nl P WO2 XO 1NM G O6 eN NS
It’s Not a Dick
SYou’re fucking disgusting
OCIt's art, not a dick. You don't have to take it so hard!- OCJust to be clear though, how disgusting is it? Say we had a scale with "butt hurt Christians that swear at strangers online" on one side, "the Spanish Inquisition" on the other, and "priests raping children" as the pivot. Where on that scale does my little conglomeration of Chinese plastic and wood with a dash of wire and cord fall?
- SWhat a clever joke. Good one, ya cunt.
- OCOh I'm just getting started sugar tits! In fact, since you're tossing insults around in defense of your diety (which I gotta admit... the irony and hypocrisy of it all makes me smile... a lot!) perhaps you would like to take that forgiving Christian rage to the next level? You should toss me some cash and buy your own personal JesuSlingShot! That's right, cast the first stone and smite evil with Jesus in your hand!
Fantastic idea, superbly produced. Loved by everyone. Take the leap, order one!John Dibbs • August 8th
When I first saw this I didn’t intend to buy it, however I couldn’t stop laughing about it. Life is too short not to have a little fun. Super happy I made the purchase, it is worth every penny!Stephanie Smith • July 26th
Perfect gift to celebrate Sir Issac Newtons birthdayDylan Bourgard • November 28th
AHHHHHHMMMAAAZZZIIINNGGG. This is going to be one hell of a gift, it's perfect in every way. Fast shipping and packaged so very carefully. Killer sense of humor. Thank you for this!sarahhall2211 • January 18th
This is the most fabulous thing I've bought in a long time. I knew I loved it when I saw it, but the deal was sealed on my purchase after reading the description. So hilarious and irreverent.... just like the product! Everyone should have a BunJesus!Susan • May 26th
Man, this thing is bomb as f*ck! I love it. I love it so much. I am agnostic, and my boyfriend is too, but he was raised Catholic. He laughs at it, but he isn't as enamored by it like I am. He doesn't hate it. I proudly showed it to him in all His glory on my wall... he started stifling his laughter as he said "Jesus Christ." I have shared this with everyone I know who won't slash my car tires.Brit • March 25th
This is hands nailed down the best drunk purchase I've ever made. I don't think I'll ever top this one!odiumtool • July 6th
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