[This crap was stolen from a random website and modified a bit while we were drinking… Judge not lest ye be judged and all that.] For clarity, our modifications are put in [brackets]

What information do we collect?

We collect information from you when you register on our site [though we have no idea where it goes or how we would utilize it anyway].

When ordering or registering on our site, as appropriate, you may be asked to enter your: e-mail address [blood type, social security number, mothers maiden name, favorite flavor of Doritos]. You may, however, visit our site anonymously. 

What do we use your information for?

Any of the information we collect from you may be used in one of the following ways:

Do we use cookies?

Yes (Cookies are small files that a site or its service provider transfers to your computers hard drive through your Web browser — if you allow — that enables the sites or service providers systems to recognize your browser and capture and remember certain information).

We use cookies [typically to dip in milk and eat away our self loathing but also] to compile aggregate data about site traffic and site interaction so that we can offer better site experiences and tools in the future. We may contract with third-party service providers to assist us in better understanding our site visitors. These service providers are not permitted to use the information collected on our behalf except to help us conduct and improve our business.

Do we disclose any information to outside parties?

[This part we are serious about!] We do not sell, trade, or otherwise transfer to outside parties your personally identifiable information. This does not include trusted third parties [none of which we have] who assist us in operating our website, conducting our business, or servicing you, so long as those parties agree to keep this information confidential. We may also release your information when we believe release is appropriate to comply with the law [which is never], enforce our site policies [which we have none], or protect ours or others rights, property, or safety [so don’t fuck around and neither of us will have to find out]. However, non-personally identifiable visitor information may be provided to other parties for marketing, advertising, or other uses [but probably not because lets get real here, who the hell would want to market to you people anyway?].

Third-Party Links & Services

Occasionally, at our discretion, we may include or offer third party products or services on our website [but probably not since who in their right mind would want to hitch their wagon to ours?]. These third party sites have separate and independent privacy policies. We therefore have no responsibility or liability for the content and activities of these linked sites. Nonetheless, we seek to protect the integrity of our site and welcome any feedback about these sites.

California Online Privacy Protection Act Compliance

Because we value your privacy we have taken the necessary precautions to be in compliance with the California Online Privacy Protection Act [huh?]. We therefore will not distribute your personal information to outside parties without your consent.

As part of the California Online Privacy Protection Act, all users of our site may make any changes to their information at anytime by logging into their control panel and going to the ‘My account’ link and clicking on the ‘Edit’ tab.

Childrens Online Privacy Protection Act Compliance

We are in compliance with the requirements of COPPA (Childrens Online Privacy Protection Act), we do not collect any information from anyone under 13 years of age. Our website, products and services are all directed to people who are at least 13 years old or older. [Technically, we strive to serve a bit older clientele but screw it, we’ll take your money!]

Content Moderation

All contents on the site are moderated by [us, which means not very well, if at all. We hope to not ever have to employ some outside group to moderate our stuff so mind your pints and quarts yo!]

Terms and Conditions

Please also visit our Terms and Conditions section establishing the use, disclaimers, and limitations of liability governing the use of our website.

Your Consent

By using our site, you consent to our privacy policy [suckers!]

Changes to our Privacy Policy

If we decide to change our privacy policy, we will post those changes on this page, and/or update the Privacy Policy modification date below.

This policy was last modified on November 26th, 2023.

Contacting Us

If there are any questions regarding this privacy policy you may send us an email at obscurecityllc@gmail.com